Back in May, I wrote a post about creating my tribe – focusing on the people in my life that I regularly surround myself with!
Jim Rohns is attributed with having said:
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Without a doubt – we are heavily influenced by our family & friends – those people that we listen to and hang out with! More importantly – we become like the people we admire and imitate.
We become like the people that we (choose to) expose ourselves to.
It follows that you can accelerate your personal growth in whatever direction you desire by spending time with people who already are who you want to become.
— Maarten van Doorn
Compared to a hundred years ago, we are isolated in the modern world, even with all the technology to keep us connected. We no longer have the village to nurture and support us. The benefits of our friendships are immeasurable, and especially friendships with other women can make a bigger impact on our well-being than our family does!
While all the media tends to place attention on the romance / life partner, our reality is that it’s our friendships that really hold us up!
Retreat & sisterhood!
That’s why I’m so excited in November to be going BACK to retreat in Puerto Vallarta with the amazing women that will participate in Bonnie Muenz‘ Starting Over 2018! What is even more exciting is that Vikki is going to meet me there! I am so inspired to know I will be meeting new women there and excited to think of the challenges these 4 days will introduce into my life!
This year has been all about getting out of my comfort zone and building new relationships as well as strengthening old ones!
Yes, I have faced the biggest challenge of “no time”! I have learned to make time – because I know that a lack of community and support takes me to a place of sadness & loneliness! Sisterhood, on the other hand, brings me to a place of courage, hope, strength & understanding!
I admit it – one of my biggest struggles has been balancing online friendships (even with friends I know personally, but that geographically we are very far apart) with in-person friendships. It’s so easy to get caught up “online” and fail to be there for the people that are actually around you in person! But when I remember that I need hugs and real friends – I work to find that balance!
Building new friendships
While I have heard that over 30 years of age it’s really hard to build new friendships – it is SO worth while! Every little bit of discomfort in taking the initiative and reaching out to meet new people has been rewarded!
My life has been enriched by two amazing coaches I met in studying Innergetics together – Wendy Bruce & Sarah Whalen. When we finished the theoretical section of our Innergetics training, we were invited to create pairs or triads for weekly accountability and peer-coaching. The three of us discovered we were in relatively close time zones and so organised ourselves as a triad.
Little did I know what amazing friendships would develop over the ensuing weeks & months – as we started delving deep in peer-to-peer coaching. Because this was coaching, and because we were meant to be “overcoming obstacles” in our life – addressing factors that turn us to eating – we dared to go in our lives where we have never gone before! And so… since the last week of May, I have gotten to know these two fabulous women deeply – jumping right into a deep friendship that would usually take a lifetime to develop.
Daring to venture beyond my comfort zone
Since the coaching was all about addressing the obstacles in our lives – and about recognising when we turn to food instead of something else – it catapulted me into facing my fears! And that pushed me into getting to know about group of amazing women in coaching – Nina, Tina, Zandra, Sharon, Misty & Toni-Lee.
And, like I said in May – my support structure has within it people like Vikki and GOL Pionero… and I have felt supported to take steps that I had never taken before – to wildly dream of building a new life for myself, well beyond the limits of my comfort zone!
Nina & Tina set up with me an accountability pod, which Zandra joined, and which has since grown to include others! Meeting online with these amazing people every week has kept me on my toes:
- what did I commit to for the week?
- What did I do?
- What lessons did I learn when I failed to complete a task?
- What will I do this coming week in order to work towards the results I am daring for?
Admittedly, as you will have noticed – most of these have been online – which means that I have had to balance that against meeting up in person with friends locally!
Savoring aged friendships like wine
I continue to ask myself each week – “so who will I catch up with this week for coffee or lunch?“.
Admittedly, adult friendships are hard – because we are often so busy! Sometimes we feel abandoned by our friends – physically or emotionally – because they have too many things going on. They are busy building their lives, dealing with their issues. They are not always free or available when we are!
Bonnie was away for over two months travelling – it felt like forever since I’d had coffee with her!
But during that time, I spent an amazing amount of time with other friends that challenged me in different ways of growth! That’s why it’s so important to have a “tribe” or a “sisterhood” – because when you need a friend, you will find someone available. And I made sure to keep in constant contact with others that are always on hand and available!
Friendships can get lost and abandoned along the way – if we fail to show up. But I typically ask myself – is this a reflection of how much self-love and self-care I am giving myself? If I am not making the time to catch up with them – does this reflect that I am failing to catch up with myself?
Did life really get too busy for a cup of coffee?
So I would ask you – who are you investing your time with?
Who do you allow to influence you in your current growth & transformation?
Do you need to make more time for building your tribe and making sure that your friendships are developing as you want them to?
Who do you aim to become – and how does the composition of your tribe and support network support you to reaching that goal?
Who will you have a coffee with this week?