I’d like to know, who was the idiot that coined the phrase “no pain, no gain”?  I started a new exercise routine about two and a half weeks ago, which includes a sadist of a personal trainer.

It all started with an “afternoon tea” at the Spa (which I took the girls from the office to, since I thought it would be a good “team building” exercise), where they explained cellulite and what it really takes to try to get rid of it.

As a result of this “afternoon tea”, five us from the office signed up for the gym and agreed to work through the fat issues together.  And we started out going strong.  Every day: half an hour of cardio work out and then weights with the sadist.

Today, I’m struggling to concentrate on my work (which is why I’m off venting on the blog).  I’m not sure if it’s today’s pain from the leg work out, the tea I drank before lunch that resulted in having mild fibrillations (supposedly helps you eat less, although I’m not convinced it did that), or if it’s the pain I still feel in my arms from yesterday’s weight lifting exercises.

Yes, I know my triceps are non-existent.  Yesterday’s exercises convinced me of the lack of muscle tone.  In order to have muscle tone, I guess you first have to have muscle.  There isn’t any!  As for the exercises to tone my shoulders – what shoulders?

Today, out of sheer naiveté (it sounds much better than ignorance), was the first day I tried “spinning”. Usually I stick to the walking machine or the eliptical one (which I really like, since there’s definitely no jarring on the knees).

Spinning, it seems, is another form of masochism.  It’s riding a stationary bicycle, in which you “pretend” (with the sadist standing in front of you, telling you how many more seconds there are to go when you get to the last 5…) to ride up and down hills for one minute each (standing; sitting gentling enjoying the breeze that is NOT blowing in your face but taking a break; bent forward over the handle-bars, pedalling like mad), and we haven’t even started the crazy-ass idea yet of adding friction to the pedalling.  And then, supposedly, there’s this other position where you’re supposed to do push-ups while standing pedalling.  What does he think we are?

I bought myself this cool little watch with a pulse meter (which you strap on around your chest) and it tells you “vital” information like your heart rate, how many calories you’ve burned, given your current age & weight.  And of course, it beeps at you (slowly) if you aren’t actually “in the zone”, burning calories, or (furiously) if you are doing too much and above the recommended heart rate.

Today, I got beeped at.  Usually it’s the slow incessant beeping, telling me I need to do more.  But not today.  Today, I got the “slow down” furious beeping.  I’m blaming that on the tea!  Won’t be trying another bag of that before going to the gym!

So, here I am, in the office, trying to get my head around what I actually need to get done, wondering which of my two arms is going to fall off first.